


Weapons of ass destruction

by hitori10



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 13:32:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13705482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitori10/pseuds/hitori10
Summary: Eren has an odd fondness for naming the thing in his pants and Levi is more than done with his shit.





	Weapons of ass destruction

**Author's Note:**

> Some may know this was done for another pairing in another fandom. I had a thought and with some mild tweaking, this disaster exists. (This may lead to some inappropriate giggling.)

Weapons of ass destruction

* * *

"Alright, babe, are you ready for my weapon of ass destruction?" Eren wiggled his eyebrows down at Levi.

The captain wrinkled his nose, "Did you just fucking call your dick a weapon of ass destruction? Eren, I told you to fucking stop calling it names."

"Aww, come on love. Takes the tension right before I put it in."

"There has been no tension since the first time you shoved your dick in me."

"Oh really?" The titan shifter gestured around them vaguely, "Then what do you call the feeling in the room right now?"

"Disappointment."

"You know," Eren sighed, "If I wasn't so used to this, my boner would be  _so_  gone right about now."

Levi reached down and gripped the other's dick tightly in his hand, making his partner whimper at the firm grip, "Eren fucking Yeager, if you don't stop calling your dick names right before we have sex, I swear I'll rip it off and give it to Sonny and Bean as their next titan toy."

"Okay, I understand." He relented and the corporal loosened his hold, which made the other man grin.

For someone whose known Eren Yeager longer than five minutes, would know that him getting that smug grin on his face was not a good sign.

"I guess I'll call it...my schlong."

Levi deadpanned, "Brat, I am still holding your fucking dick. And trust me, it's not as big as you think it is. I would know."

"Ow, you wound me, love." The brunet clutched onto his chest in mock hurt.

The captain tightened his hold once more, effectively wiping the grin off his partner's face in record time.

Looking down at his dick, Eren was more than certainly that if his lover wasn't holding onto it, he would definitely be leaking right about now. But no, that shit had to be holding onto the base.

"Okay, alright. I'll stop." Levi reluctantly released his hold and placed his hand back onto the sheets.

The titan shifter gently cupped the other's face, looking into each other's eyes, "Come on, don't be mad love, I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad per say but," Levi sighed, "Why do you tease me, make me pop a fucking boner, then just as we're about to have sex, you call your dick-"

"I really am sorry! Look." The young man reached over to their nightstand and took out a condom and their lube. He prepared himself and looked back down at his lover.

"Love, can I call it one more thing? Please, this one is really good and you'll like it-"

"Eren, you remember me saying that thing about Sonny and Bean? That's quickly becoming less of a threat by the second."

The brunet grasped the empty air with his left hand as if to immitate the horn from a truck, "Here comes my steamin' semen truck."

Levi tried so hard not to laugh for a second. Instead, he pushed himself off the bed, gathered his pajama pants, Eren's jacket and walked out of the room.

"Aww, come on Lee, that was a good one!" Eren's voice called through laughter at his own nonsense.

" _My boner is gone!_ " Levi yelled from another room.

"Mine isn't!"

" _Too fucking bad, mate_!"

* * *

End.

**Author's Note:**

> ...I'm a mess aren't I? 
> 
> Tumblr- erenlevijeager.   
> Discord- Myshka#7185


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